


Choices

by TanyaReed



Category: Relic Hunter
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-08
Updated: 2013-01-08
Packaged: 2017-11-24 04:49:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/630606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TanyaReed/pseuds/TanyaReed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was written as a birthday fic in...I believe...2007.  Sydney has to choose who she wants in her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Choices

Her eyes were shining. Her face was glowing. Nigel's heart was breaking.

He listened as she said the words. They came out in a girlish rush so unlike Sydney that it was almost funny. Nigel might have laughed if he didn't feel like crying.

It was so hard to comprehend. After all, Sydney had had many boyfriends in the three years Nigel had known her. They seemed to drift in and out of her life like ghosts. Some had even been serious, but not this serious.

“Married?” he squeaked.

“I know,” she laughed. “Me. The woman who swore she never would. I'm a little shocked myself.”

The grin on her face almost split it in half. She looked so happy that Nigel pushed his pain away to give her a shaky smile back.

“That's great, Syd!” He even sounded like he meant it.

Inside, his thoughts and emotions were whirling. He had loved Sydney a long time, and his life had built itself on the belief that Sydney would never settle down. Through all her changes and her fated to fail romances, Nigel himself seemed to be her only constant. He found comfort in this, and he hadn't expected it to change. Now, suddenly, he felt as if his legs had been cut out from underneath him and his whole body ached from the fall.

“Strange, anyway,” she replied. “He's even given me a ring already.”

Nigel made some sort of appropriate noise. She held out her hand to him, and he took it gently. A part of him thrilled at the feel of her skin. It was warm and firm, feminine but slightly calloused. Sydney had the strong, capable hands of a working woman. Her fingers were long and slim and as nimble as a thief's. The small ring looked dainty but out of place on the finger he knew so well.

“It's very nice,” he said because it was the right thing to say. He didn't want her to know that his impulse was to rip it off.

“It is, isn't it?” She brought her hand up to study it herself. A small smile danced across her face. “I know we haven't known each other that long—has it only been three months? But, it's special this time, Nigel. I know I said that about Gray too, but this time I really mean it. I think Jeremy's the one. He loves me for who I am. He'd never try to change me. He likes that I'm strong and independent, and he even likes that I hunt relics. Every other man in my life has tried to tame me.”

_Not every other man,_ Nigel thought, but he said, “I understand.”

“I knew you would. That's why I wanted to tell you first.” Sydney studied the ring a few moments more before looking up, her face turning serious. “Do you think I'm moving too fast, Nigel?”

The question took him by surprise, and Nigel's stomach fluttered. Here was his chance. All the things that he could say to make Sydney doubt herself flashed through his mind like lightning. With a few simple words, he could sabotage her engagement. His eyes met hers and, in that instant, he knew that he couldn't do it. He could not bring himself to betray her trust in him. He loved her too much for that.

Even though it almost killed him, he said, “What do you think, Syd? You're the one who matters.”

She bit her lip in quiet contemplation. After giving things several moments of thought, she replied, “I think I'm in love with Jeremy.”

“There's your answer then.”

Her face cleared at his words, and she nodded slightly. With a sigh, she reached out and pulled Nigel to her in a crushing hug. Nigel tried not to notice the way she smelled or how her body seemed to perfectly fit against his. His fingers ached to tangle themselves in her hair. His lips wanted to gently brush her neck.

“Thank you, Nigel.” She sounded so grateful that Nigel put his own arms around her and squeezed. “This is why you're my best friend.”

Her eyes were sparkling again when she pulled from him. She looked so happy that the only thing he knew to compare was when she first lay eyes on a newly discovered relic.

He didn't know what to say to her. Luckily, he was saved the trouble by the opening of the outer office door.

Karen's voice came to them saying, “Hello? I'm back. Anyone here?”

Sydney winked at Nigel before calling, “We're in here.”

Nigel could tell Sydney was excited to tell Karen her news. Even though her face was calm and she wasn't fidgeting, the signs were there for someone who really knew her. Nigel couldn't help but wonder if Jeremy would notice the way her body tensed and her eyes danced when she was in suspense. How long would it take her fiancé to know Sydney the way Nigel knew her? Nigel felt guilty for the flash of satisfaction he felt knowing that it would probably take Jeremy years. 

Sydney coyly put her hands behind her back as Karen opened the inner office door.

“What are you two doing in here with the door closed?”

“We were kissing passionately,” Sydney teased, wiggling her eyebrows.

Karen laughed easily at the thought, and Nigel felt a pang that it could be brushed off that easily. Usually, he kept his feelings for Sydney well buried and well hidden, even to himself, but Sydney's declaration of engagement had brought them all to the surface.

“I wouldn't mind a little of that myself,” the blond said pertly, eyeing Nigel.

Unable to control himself, Nigel motioned towards Sydney and said, “Be my guest.”

Sydney gaped for a second, her eyes widening, before exclaiming, “Nigel!”

He felt a little of his pain quell at having shocked Sydney, and the ghost of a real smile touched his face. 

Karen just rolled her eyes and, in perfect imitation of Sydney, said, “Oh, Nigel.”

He thought it best to leave on that note. He didn't want to see the look on either woman's face when Sydney showed Karen her ring. He'd rather remember the both of them looking at him with amused affection. At least Jeremy couldn't take that from him.

“I've got to go,” he said, “You two do whatever it is women do when they are alone together.” He paused, then added, “But, if it's the kissing thing, call me back.”

He hurried out to the sound of laughter behind him.

XXX

Nigel wasn't exactly himself when he walked back into the office the next morning. A night of sleeplessness had haunted him as thoughts of Sydney and Jeremy tumbled around in his brain. He agonized over whether he should reveal his feelings, even though he knew he probably couldn't—especially when she looked so happy. Every misshapen spot on his ceiling was etched into his mind. He thought he might be able to draw each subtle swirl from memory.

What tortured him the most was wondering if telling her how he felt when he first realized his true feelings would have made any difference. Would she have given him a chance or would she have laughed in his face? He would never know.

As he made his way to his desk, Nigel heard voices. They were enough to make him want to turn and walk back out. He briefly considered leaving and calling in sick. He even got as far as turning towards the door before his common sense told him that he was being foolish. Sydney loved and was marrying Jeremy, and the sooner he got used to it, the sooner his life would move on.

Scowling, he made his way towards his desk. He could still hear the voices, but they were speaking too low for him to understand. That was something at least.

He was just sitting down when Sydney's office door opened. She came out first, light laughter floating ahead of her. Behind her stood a man who was only slightly taller than she was, with long black hair and a face and body that could grace romance novels. Nigel's scowl deepened as he threw his bag on his desk with a loud thump.

Sydney, who was usually so alert, jumped at the sound. 

“Nigel.”

“Yes. Good morning, Syd,” he said grumpily.

She raised an eyebrow at him as she moved to the side to let Jeremy leave her office. “Wrong side of the bed?”

“I have no idea what you mean.” Nigel's tone refused to lighten.

“Oh, it's going to be one of those days, is it?”

Jeremy let out a soft laugh at this and said, “Leave the poor man alone, Syd. We all have a right to be grumpy once in awhile.”

Having Jeremy defend him made Nigel's stomach clench. Before Sydney's news, Nigel had liked the man. Being soft spoken and kind, he was easy to like, but now he just represented opportunity lost. Nigel would never be able to look at him the same way again.

Sydney turned on her fiancé sternly. "Crankiness is not allowed in this office."

She was able to hold onto the look for several moments before Jeremy reached out and tickled her ribs. The serious look dissolved into chuckles as she wriggled away. 

“You two are way too chipper this morning,” Nigel said, turning from them.

“Of course we are,” Jeremy answered, “It's a wonderful day.”

Nigel thought that rather depended on the person.

He settled in his chair, trying to ignore the fact that Jeremy's arm had snaked around Sydney. Out of the corner of his eye, Nigel could see her lean into the embrace intimately. It made his skin crawl.

Ignoring this, he asked, “So, what's on the agenda for today, Sydney?”

This question made her sigh, and some of the fun went out of her face. “Yes, I suppose we should get to work.”

Jeremy groaned dramatically. “You mean I have to leave my beautiful fianceé for the day? How will I survive?"

“What if I let you take me out for lunch?”

“That will have to do.”

He leaned over and kissed her cheek. She pulled him closer and their lips met. Nigel's eyes were riveted to them, and he felt as if he couldn't breathe. It was one thing to watch Sydney in lust, but quite another to watch her in love. He had never seen her look at anyone the way she looked at Jeremy when they pulled apart.

He painfully forced air into lungs that wanted to refuse to comply and looked down quickly so Sydney couldn't see what he knew was nakedly written on his face. Would it always be like this?

“See you at noon,” Sydney's voice was husky as she bid Jeremy good bye.

“Before if I can get away early enough.” He then turned to Nigel with a warm smile. “See you soon, Nige.”

“Yeah,” was all the answer Nigel could manage.

Sydney watched Jeremy go, then said to Nigel, “So, are you going to snap out of your funk or do I have to send you home?”

“I'm fine, Sydney,” he lied. “I'm just a little tired.”

Annoyance had crept into her face, but it was immediately washed away by concern. “Are you sure you're okay?”

“Just a touch of insomnia,” he said, starting to take stuff out of his bag. “Nothing to worry about.”

She studied him closely, her dark eyes boring into his. Nigel forced himself to meet her gaze squarely. He was determined to show no signs of distress.

She stared at him until she was satisfied and then just said, “Don't forget, we've got an exam at one.”

“Okay, Syd.”

XXX

As the weeks went by, it should have gotten easier for Nigel to see Sydney and Jeremy together as future husband and wife. Instead, it seemed to get worse. Jeremy was at the office almost every day, and he and Sydney were always touching or kissing. They didn't even try to be discreet. Every look, every touch, every kiss cut Nigel like broken glass.

He tried to reason with himself, telling himself that he'd seen Sydney in relationships with lots of men. His heart refused to listen because it knew none of them had been like this. Even when he tried to tell it that he had always known Sydney could never be his, it taunted him with pictures of the secret looks she shared with Jeremy and whispered, “...what if...”

Already her relationship with Nigel was changing. He knew she couldn't see it yet, but he felt it. No matter where they were or what they were doing, Jeremy's spirit was there with them. That also would get worse as time went on, and Nigel could see a time when Jeremy pushed him out of the picture completely.

It didn't take long before losing Sydney a little bit at a time became more than he could stand. Nigel woke up one morning and knew that he had reached his limit. With sadness in his heart, he sat down to write the letter he thought he'd never write.

It was the hardest thing he'd ever done. The words didn't want to come out, and he had to force each one. It took so long that he was almost late for work. As he finished the last word, he glanced at the clock and let out an undignified squeak. In a rush, he dressed and brushed his hair while his letter was printing. He barely had time to brush his teeth and had to forgo breakfast altogether.

He ran into the office in a hurry, and the morning was so busy that he hurried through everything else as well. It gave him no time to think of the letter he had thrown unceremoniously into his bag.

Then, as usual, Jeremy arrived at eleven thirty to take Sydney to lunch. By that time, Nigel was almost regretting the words he had written. The regret vanished as soon as he saw Jeremy's smiling face. 

While Sydney and Jeremy were gone, Nigel worked up the courage to dig his missive out of his pack. Karen had just left for her own lunch, and Nigel was glad she couldn't watch him. 

He stood behind his desk for several minutes with the envelope in his hand. His eyes studied Sydney's office through the window, and he felt a lump come to his throat. His hands trembled a little but he was able to will them to stop. It suddenly hit him how much his life was going to change. He wondered if he were strong enough to go through with his plan.

After several minutes, he cleared his throat and forced his feet to move forward. They felt heavy and numb.

The first few steps were the hardest. After that, a fragile confidence came over him. By the time he had reached Sydney's office, he was once more certain of his course of action.

He was just placing the envelope on Sydney's desk when he heard the knob on the door to the outer office turn. Panic seized him, and he all but ran back to his own desk. He sucked his breath in sharply as he clumsily banged his hip on the corner. The physical pain was almost a relief as it gave him a bit of respite from his inner turmoil.

Sydney entered and, by the look on her face, Nigel could tell she had heard the noise his body made as it slammed into the desk.

“Nigel, are you okay?”

“I'm fine, Syd,” he said a little breathlessly.

Her eyebrow lifted in doubt but she didn't ask more about it. Nigel noticed thankfully that she was alone. He didn't know what he'd have done if Jeremy read the letter over Sydney's shoulder.

“Have you been here since I left? Did you get some lunch?”

“I brought some with me,” he said, a slight smile on his face at her motherly tone. It dropped right back off again as he realized this might be the last time he ever heard it. An impulse to run into her office and snatch the letter off of her desk gripped him. It was almost too strong to fight.

“Good.” She answered his smile with one of her own. “We can't have you fainting away from hunger in the middle of Ancient Egyptian Cultures.”

“No,” he said, turning his gaze towards his desk. It was suddenly hard to look at her.

“Did Karen go out to lunch?” She was moving towards her office now.

“Yeah. She left fifteen minutes ago.”

She reached the door and Nigel's stomach clenched in unpleasant anticipation. He watched her step through the doorway. The window showed her go to her desk. He saw a puzzled line appear on her brow as she spied the envelope. He didn't think she knew he was watching as she picked it up and broke the seal with her thumb. Nigel could not turn away. He had to see her reaction for himself.

As Sydney took out his letter and began to read, the expression on her face changed. He saw her eyes widen and her mouth tighten. It gave him no satisfaction to watch the flash of pain that washed over her features. It was naked and raw and it cut him to the quick.

“Nigel!” she bellowed.

“Yes, Syd?” It came out as a whisper, and he had to clear his throat to be able to call, “Yes, Syd?”

She looked up and her eyes met his through the glass. Nigel's breath caught in his throat as he saw the accusation of betrayal there. Her hand lifted slightly and, with the barest motion, she beckoned him. As if on a tether, he obediently got to his feet and moved towards the office. He stopped at the doorway, leaning against the frame for support.

Quietly, Sydney asked, “What is this?”

He almost couldn't say it. Even now, he didn't want to make it real. “It's...it's my resignation.”

She looked as if he had slapped her. “What is it, Nigel? What did I do? I thought you were happy here.”

“No...nothing, Syd.” He couldn't keep his voice from shaking. “I just thought it was time to move on to something new.”

“Was it money?” she asked beseechingly, gently putting the letter down. “Are you having trouble living on your salary?” 

“No...no, the money's fine.” He couldn't have this conversation with her. He should have left before she got back.

“Is it the hunts? Did something happen on the last one? Are you afraid I won't be able to protect you?”

“No. Listen, it's nothing like that. It's just...”

“Just what?” She stepped forward, the intensity in her gaze almost too much for Nigel to bear. 

“Nothing, Syd,” he sighed in exasperation. “It just is. Please accept it.”

“I can't. I won't. I'm not letting you quit without an explanation. The truth, Nigel.”

“Syd...”

She put her hands on his shoulders and gave him a little shake. “Tell me.”

“I'm in love with you,” he blurted.

Sydney froze. “What?”

“I said I'm in love with you.” He pulled away from her hands and stepped just out of reach. She still didn't move. “I've been in love with you for a long time.”

Now that the words were out, they were easier to say—if he didn't look into her face. 

“I can't stay here and watch you marry him. It hurts, Sydney. It hurts too much.”

“Oh, Nigel,” she whispered. He still didn't dare to look into her face, but he heard the sadness in her words. 

“It's all right,” he assured her. “I'm not asking you to choose. I know you love him. I can't say, well, I can't say that I'm happy you love him, but I'm happy you'll be happy. I just can't be part of that picture, not feeling what I feel and wanting what I want. It was different when it was just the two of us. I could pretend it didn't matter.” 

He forced himself to meet her gaze, to see eyes that were shinier than usual and a face that was as expressionless as stone.

Bravely, he finished, “I can't pretend anymore. Not through this.”

Sydney swallowed hard before asking, “Are you sure you won't change your mind?”

“I can't,” he said simply.

She almost said something else. Her jaw worked and the mask she was trying to hold on to was crumbling. He waited patiently for her words, wanting to show her that he would always listen to what she had to say.

She blinked as hard as she had swallowed and said evenly, “Then I think you should go.”

XXX

His brother met him at the airport. Preston was smiling and babbling about something happening at the museum, but Nigel ignored him. He didn't even know why he had bothered to call Preston in the first place. Maybe it was just because he wanted to feel the presence of his mum and dad again and to sleep in surroundings that gave him comfort and peace.

Nigel hadn't told Preston why he was in England or that he was planning to stay. He just wanted one simple night to be a boy again. Unfortunately, Preston was part of that package. In the morning, he would search for both a flat and a job.

“So, Podge, what brings you home this time?” Preston asked cheerily as he led his brother to the waiting car. Nigel noticed that it was new and stylish. Sardonically, he wondered if that's why Preston was so happy to see him, to show off his new car.

“I felt like coming home,” Nigel said, not lying but unwilling to tell Preston the whole truth.

“I'm so glad you did.”

“You are?”

“I ran into some of our old chums from the academy. They're dying to see you.”

Nigel winced at the words. There were only two people he had been close to at the academy, and he doubted Preston even remembered them. Preston's friends there had all been snobby prats who thought Nigel was lower than a bug.

He just said, “Is that so?” He was determined not to let Preston get a rise out of him.

“Those were great times, weren't they?” Preston continued, grinning as he got into the car.

Nigel didn't reply. He just threw his stuff in the back seat, then got in beside Preston.

Preston eyed him strangely. “Is there something wrong?”

“No,” he answered, this time flat out lying.

“Are you sure? You seem more...subdued than usual.”

Nigel sighed and closed his eyes. “Can we just do this without talking?”

“There is something wrong.”

“I just want to go home,” he whispered.

There must have been something of his need in his voice because he got no more questions. Instead, Preston started the car silently. Nigel could feel its soothing vibrations even though the engine was virtually noiseless. With relief, he leaned back against the headrest and let reality sink in. Now that he was back in Britain, he swore he would never go to the United States again.

XXX

Almost two weeks later, Nigel was puttering around his flat, unpacking the last of his books. He'd had a couple of job interviews and was waiting impatiently for someone to call him back. One thing about having worked for Syd was that it opened doors. It didn't hurt that his interviewers told him what a glowing recommendation his former boss had given him. It seemed as if, despite the note they had parted on, she was still trying to take care of him.

Thinking of her made Nigel stop in mid-motion, his hand reaching for a shelf. It still hurt. Nigel felt as if his world had shattered, and every time someone said her name, one of the shards pierced his soul. At night, he lay in his bed sleeplessly thinking about Sydney and Jeremy together. His mind could see them kissing shamelessly in the office as they had so often. 

During the day, his emotions often went from anger to pain to shame and back again.

How could she have let him go so easily? Didn't she care for him at all? How could he survive with a gaping hole in his chest? Would it ever heal?

There was a knock on his door, and Nigel was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he almost dropped his book.

Pulling himself together, he shoved it on the shelf and went to answer the knock. It was probably Preston. The twit had been over every day, prodding Nigel for an explanation. Nigel grit his teeth, preparing for another round of questions and evasions. He yanked the door open in frustration, ready to give his brother a piece of his mind.

The words died on his lips when he saw Sydney standing there. She was clad in her simple relic hunting outfit with her hair loose about her shoulders. Her satchel hung easily over one hip. Nigel stared at her for a moment. He had always thought this was the look that suited her best. She was pretty in evening gowns and business suits, and she was temptingly sexy in lingerie, but there was something about her relic hunting garb that made his heart ache. In it, she looked wild and untameable. It brought a sparkle to her eyes and an inner light to her face. Seeing her there, looking so Sydney that it hurt, almost killed him.

He tried to remain passive, pushing all hint of emotion from his face. He didn't want her to know how much just seeing her affected him.

“Sydney,” he said evenly, “What are you doing here?”

Her expression didn't change but he saw a tick at the corner of her left eye.

“Can I come in?”

An almost overwhelming desire to slam the door in her face gripped him. He couldn't believe that she would come here. For some reason, he let himself think that she would leave him alone with his pain. Didn't she know how much her visit would cost? Of course, letting things lie wasn't Sydney's style.

“I'd rather you didn't.” Nigel was proud that he was able to utter this small bit of defiance.

“We have to talk,” she insisted, ignoring his protest and pushing past him.

He turned, shutting the door and saying firmly, “You shouldn't be here. You're marrying Jeremy, so just let it be.”

“Nigel, you should know I couldn't do that. I don't even understand how you could have convinced me to let you go in the first place. I had to come get you. You're the best assistant I ever had, and the best friend. I couldn't let it end like that. I want you to come home.”

“I am home. I'm English, not American, and I don't belong there anymore.”

She eyed him steadily with a raised eyebrow. “I came all this way to get you.”

Her words pulled at him unpleasantly. There was nothing he wanted more than to go with her, but he knew that if he did it would destroy him. He turned from her, unable to even look into her face.

“Just go, Sydney. I can't go through that again. I couldn't bear it. It hurts too much. You can find another assistant. I'm not that hard to replace. Please, please just leave me alone.”

Outside, the lights of the city blurred and Nigel held his breath. He was afraid that if air came from his lungs, all his pain and shame would come with it. He had to hold it all together. If he lost it, he would lose all he had left.

“Nigel.” Her voice was soft, and he was suddenly certain she would never let it go. Sydney could not walk away when faced with confrontation. She would not leave him alone until he bared himself again. Nothing short of complete surrender would satisfy her.

This made him angry. The anger shoved away the overpowering urge to crack right in two. He felt his face flush with it, and he spun back around to face her.

“What part of let it be don't you understand? Did you have to come to a completely different country to see if I was devastated? Couldn't you leave me with just a little pride? I know I'm a coward. I know I'm weak. But don't I deserve some dignity?”

Her face lightened several shades at his words, and he knew that he had hurt her. Even though that had been his intention, he regretted it immediately. His stomach twisted at the expression that washed over her face.

Sydney opened her mouth and nothing came out. With a shake of her head, she collapsed on the nearby sofa, putting her face into her hands. He barely heard her murmur, “I'm sorry, Nigel. I'm so sorry.”

All his anger evaporated at the signs of her distress, and he hurried forward to put a hand on her shoulder. He could feel her trembling, and it frightened him a little.

He sat beside her and said gently, “I know you didn't mean to hurt me, Sydney, and I know you didn't realize how I felt. Still, it was wrong for you to come here. Our time together is over. You're starting a new life and so should I.”

She didn't answer him, and the two of them sat together in silence for several minutes. Then Sydney took a deep breath and dropped her hands from her face. Confusion and pain marred her brown eyes. Nigel's hand slid from her shoulder, gently brushing down her arm. In the back of his mind, he marveled at the softness of her skin.

“I didn't come here for the reasons you think,” she said at last, her voice containing a vulnerability he'd never heard before.

“Okay,” he said slowly. “Then why?”

“I did come to bring you home with me...as I said...because you are the best assistant...the best friend I've ever had. I wish they had been enough to keep you. Since you left, I've had a lot of time to think...” He listened mutely, not looking at her. When he didn't answer, she continued, resting her fingers gently on the back of his hand. “It was less than a week after you left when I gave Jeremy back his ring. I realized that I didn't love him. I never did. I loved the thought of him because I knew he would never try to change me. Before him, I didn't believe I'd ever find someone who'd let me be who I am. I didn't see that I already had that. Not until you left me.”

Nigel's gaze snapped from their hands to her face. Still, he didn't speak. He saw her swallow hard and felt her breath tickle his cheek.

“It suddenly came to me that if I had a choice between losing you and losing Jeremy, there was no contest. I couldn't lose you. You're the only reliable thing in my life.”

That's what she thought of him? He was reliable? “I can't...”

She reached up and put her fingertips against his lips. It was such an intimate gesture that the breath caught in Nigel's throat.

“Please listen to what I'm trying to say. It's coming out hard enough as it is.”

He wanted to protest, but that gentle touch was enough to keep him from speaking. Sydney had lapsed into her own silence, so he waited as she studied his face with sad eyes. Nigel wondered what she was trying to say.

Suddenly, Sydney leaned forward, startling him. Softly, she pressed her lips against his cheek and whispered, in a voice so low he wasn't entirely sure he heard correctly, “I love you.”

“I don't understand...” he said through her fingers.

“I didn't myself at first,” she admitted, taking her fingers away. “All I knew was that you left me, and I was falling apart. I tried to lie to myself, but you can only do that for so long. I think I've known for a very long time, but fear made me hide it from myself.”

Nigel felt a smile tug at his lips. “Fear?”

“Yes, fear. Even I get afraid, Nigel, and I was deathly afraid of screwing things up, but I did anyway. And I lost you anyway.”

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Part of him expected her to jump up any minute and exclaim that the whole thing was a joke. He studied her face and had to admit to himself that she had never looked more serious. 

Tentatively, he raised a hand and reached for her face. He stopped just before the backs of his fingers could caress her cheek. Her eyes looked into his, searching.

“I want to believe you, Syd,” he said softly, “but what if you suddenly realize that it's the thought of me you're in love with and not really me?”

Her eyes dropped but not before he saw the hurt in them. She moved away from him, putting some distance between them on the sofa. To Nigel, her silence meant more than a quick reply would have. She was thinking about her answer instead of offering empty protests.

After a moment, she said, “Nigel, you are the best thing in my life. I came all this way to get you. I've laid my heart out for you. Even so, if you say the word, I will get up and walk out of here and never try to see you again. I love you enough to make the decision yours. I'm leaving the way my life goes from this moment on in your hands.”

Nigel drew in a sharp breath at her words. He reached out and touched her hair, running a few strands through his fingers before tucking it behind her ear. Her eyes were still turned away, so he couldn't read them. His hand moved from her ear across her jaw to her chin. Gently, he lifted it so their eyes met.

“You would give me that kind of control?” he asked.

She shrugged. “It's the only thing I have to give that would prove my love for you. The choice is yours now, so what do you choose?” 

He studied her face for a moment, drinking in its lines and curves. Then he smiled. 

“I choose you.”

The end.


End file.
